High on Life
by Melli
Summary: Rating for drug use. But it's supposed to be humorous! Anyway, the plot! Knives is sneaking around the ship and finds Rem doing...something. Read to find out! Many explanations--or theories, rather on Trigun.


Disclaimer: Blah blah blah. I don't own anything. Yadda yadda yadda. You know the drill. Ignore me, please! Oh by the way, the rating is PG-13 for some drug use. Don't worry, it's not too bad...Or at least I didn't mean to offend anybody! Oh yes, and I need to thank my tomodachi, Nina-chan, Emmy-chan, and Lee-chan for this idea. So, I would just like to say, I think I was high when I wrote this. And please excuse spacing mistakes, computers are dumb! Every time I try to post a fic, there are no indents! Now please read, enjoy, and review!   
High on Life  
Knives is creeping around in the air duct system he just discovered aboard the Project Seeds ship. Minutes ago, he abandoned his twin and went exploring. Now, he pauses every few feet to look down a vent into its corresponding room. He comes upon the cafeteria, his and Vash's bedroom, Joe's office, and many other rooms of no interest to him.  
Passing a storage room and a watercloset, Knives' ears pick up a familiar sound-Rem's humming.  
Damn, that woman is ALWAYS humming that stupid song!  
As he thinks this, the humming fades away and turns into grunts of frustration. He edges over to the vent from which the sound is coming and peers down into Rem's chambers.  
The black-haired woman is sitting at a round table, one of the only items of furniture in the room. On the table, her beloved geranium plant resides in a beautiful red pot. As Knives looks closer, he can see a tiny bowl in his mother-figure's hands. She is grinding some kind of substance with a pestle. Unfortunately, he cannot see what is in the mortar.  
Finally, Rem's grunts cease, and so do her hands. She spills the substance onto a plate on the table, and now Knives sees that it is red. Picking up a tiny tube from the plate, Rem holds it up to her face and leans over the table.  
The vent suddenly gives way, sending Knives tumbling out of the air duct onto the floor of Rem's room. Startled, she drops the tube and spins around as Knives picks himself up sheepishly.  
"What the hell are you doing here?" she snarls.  
"Rem, I...I-"  
"You were spying on me, you little brat!" Rem realizes how uncharacteristic of her this outburst is, and makes an effort to calm down. "Erm, I mean, Knives-chan, what in the world are you doing?" she asks, her voice suddenly soft and musical as usual, although her twitching eyebrow gives her away.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! I wasn't spying on you, Rem, I swear!" Knives apologizes. "Um, Rem? What are you doing anyway?"  
Her calm outer shell gives way. "None of your business, punk!"  
"Please don't yell at me! What's wrong, Rem? You never yell at me! Are you sick?"  
Again regaining her composure, with quite a lot of effort, she replies, "I'll be just fine after I take my...medicine."  
She turns back to the table and picks up the straw again. Rem leans over the plate and inhales the red powder through her nose."  
Knives gasps in shock.  
"Rem! You're doing drugs! How could you? You always told us drugs are bad. You hypocrite!" Knives accuses.  
Now that Rem has taken her "medicine" she feels a lot better, and is back to normal. So, she coolly answers, "Knives-chan, please understand. I'm not doing drugs, I'm taking my medicine. It's really necessary, as you can see."  
"No, you're doing drugs! You're getting high off your geranium!"  
Giving up, Rem sighs and levels with him. "Okay, okay! I admit it! Oh Knives, you saw what a monster I am when I'm clean. How do you think I can keep giving you and Vash sappy advice all day long? NOBODY has that ability! But when I'm high, I feel so much better! Not a care in the world, and I can make up all those random sayings and lessons for you two. Do you see what I mean?"  
Knives thinks for a second, then looks Rem in the eye. "I don't condone what you're doing, but I'm afraid if I stopped you, it would be worse for us all."  
"Thank you, Knives. You're wonderful!" She embraces her foster son, then adds, "One more thing. Don't tell anyone. Especially Vash. His poor little heart would be broken if he found out."  
"No problem. I understand." They pull apart and Knives eyes the plate on the table. "So, uh, what does it feel like?" he asks mischievously.  
Rem looks a little panicky. "No! You can't try any! Drugs are bad, and you should never have anything to do with them. Do as I say, not as I do," she commands.  
"Fine, fine. Oh Vaaaaaaash! I have something to tell you!" he mock-calls out the door, still keeping his eye on the fearful Rem.  
"Oh no! Don't do that! You promised!"  
"Well, no technically, I didn't promise. But I could if you let me try some of that geranium..."  
An hour later:  
"Whoo-HAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHA! Wow, that's good stuff, Rem!" Knives and Rem laugh hysterically as they exit her chambers.  
Vash approaches them from behind.  
"What's so funny, guys?" he asks, wanting to be in on the joke.  
"Hee hee, nothin', little bro! Me 'n Rem were just getting high off geraniums! Whoo-HAHAHAHAHA!"  
This time, however, nobody is laughing with him. Vash's and Rem's eyes widen to the size of saucers and they both have shocked looks on their faces.  
"Rem! You wouldn't!" Vash cries, tears forming in his eyes.  
"No no no no no! No way, Vash! He meant...life! Yeah, that's it! There were no geraniums involved! We were getting high off life! Doing drugs is bad, but natural highs are perfectly all right! The feeling you get when you're with loved ones or doing your favorite activity-now that is the ultimate high of all! And that's what we were doing back there!" she explains, hoping he'll buy it.  
Luckily, Vash is a sucker, especially when it comes to Rem. "Oh, okay! I'm sorry I doubted you Rem! Can I get high with you?"  
"Ano, all right...Sure..."  
She looks uncertainly at the child's bright face. As he joins Knives in laughing, she starts up, too. So the three of them just stand in the halls, giggling non-stop.  
  
A hundred and thirty-one years later:  
Knives, the office of his small house, passes by a plant. He strokes the petals of the flowering geraniums, and grins maliciously, chuckling to himself at the memory.  
Soon, laughter can be heard throughout the neighborhood and a silhouette of a man cackling can be seen in Knive's window.  
"Whoo-HAHAHAHAHAHA! Whoo-HAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
OWARI  
  
AN: Well there's my explanation for a few things. First, this is the reason for why Rem is how she is. Come on, she's way to peppy and happy all the time. There's gotta be something going on! Second, this is why she likes geraniums so much! Otherwise, they're just regular, unremarkable flowers. Third, this is the start of Knives' corruption. That's what drugs will do to you! He starts off doing a little geranium, then he falls in with a bad crowd and joins a gang. Before you know it, he's hired a bunch of freaks to kill his brother and take over the world! So the moral of the story, kids, is don't do geraniums-erm, drugs of any kind! 'Sides, I dunno if you really can get high off geraniums. I'm not a pothead!!!!! ^_^  



End file.
